This class seemed the obvious place for a newbie like me to start. I feel strange saying this as an Art Therapist, but I really have no idea about the technical aspects of ‘making’ art. Seriously – I had no idea what Gesso was (and yes it is super fun to use!). This class also brought up the anxiety I have around creating and my own expectations on myself. The problem I found throughout my entire Art Therapy course was that I never fully gave myself to a process because I was always thinking about what I would produce, how it would look, what would people think? Ridiculous I know, nobody has to see this unless I show them, but then my expectations are so high and I am so hard on myself that the anxiety comes up again.
I am embarrassed to say that I started this page and was so unhappy with it that I tore it out and started again. I knew all I had to do was let it dry and cover it over (perhaps with Gesso!) and start again, but in a mirror of my life I tore it out and threw it away. Isn’t if funny when you see a personal trait in your journaling? I often find that things sneak up in journaling and then hit you in the head when you least expect it! I wanted to set the intention for this page as one that would carry me throughout all 21 classes, I really thought about what I wanted out of this experience and then realised the intention had been given to me. I friend had some cards and I choose one a few weeks ago which said “Clear within”. Fitting right!
This page really hit home that I need to stop placing these unrealistic expectations on myself and to let things out. That this journal is an opportunity for me to work through the things that are holding me back from greatness, from being awesome!
I decided to do another page to look deeper into why I hold myself back. I used my Art Therapy techniques for this one so I could work intuitively and not from my head space. What come from the process is a deep fear that if I try something and fail people will know about it, so I use that reasoning to not try new things. This blog has come from this page. I have never blogged, always wanted to, but held myself back.
20 classes to go!
What a great idea for a blog! I'll be following along with your artistic adventures. :)
ReplyDeleteHow fun to read! I wanted to start the 21 secrets workshop, but unfortunately have had to prioritize a little right now with the finances, so it will have to wait. I'm really excited to watch you enjoy your process and live vicariously through you for a bit if that's okay :)
ReplyDeleteOh and just to let you know, I know exactly how you felt about the "high expectations" and the constant little harsh critic I carry around-try stuffing an eclair in that little gremlins mouth to shut it up :) Your work is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThis is just such a great idea! I look forward to reading your process with these...so many of us are going through the same things & it's nice to know we are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI love this page. I'm loving 21 Secrets as well. Wonderful blog post. I hope you continue it after 21 Secrets is over. I have a little blog, too. Come over and visit me at Seeds on a Breeze. I hope you take part in my Sunday Art Therapy link group and Flickr Group.
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